Feeling Conflicted?

We can’t be everything to everybody. 

Ugh, I can’t tell you how often I’ve had to remind myself of this.  

I hate it because part of me really wants to be EVERYTHING.  

But, part of me also wants to sit on the couch, read a book, and eat snacks (especially the Lesser Evil Himalayan Sweetness Organic Popcorn-it’s so good).  

These two parts create an inner conflict I’m very familiar with. 

In the past month, several client conversations have centered around feeling bad, feeling guilty, and not enough. They, too, were having an inner conflict. This has shown up in all facets of life- parenting, romance, work, caretaking, business, marriage, and friendship.

 The more demands on your time and energy, the more you may feel conflicted.

• Your kid wants to go to a store that's 30 minutes away. 
• You're asked to help work on a project or collaborate on it.
• Your cousin wants to have dinner with you.
• The person you are dating is ready to take the next step.
• A client has asked for a different package than what you are offering.  
• A friend wants feedback on her proposal.

Part of you wants to say yes. Part of you wants to say no. 

As someone who is conditioned to be a conflict avoider, to be quiet, compliant, good, and also an introvert, the struggle is real!

So, when you feel conflicted about what to do or the decision makes you feel bad or guilty,  I recommend taking a deeper look at what’s happening for you. 

When my clients and I unpack their situation, we may find something like…

• Being the "go-to" person people count on gives you a sense of purpose and worthiness but also burns you out. 
  
• You’re afraid of someone being angry with you. 
  
• You really would love to help, but you don’t have the energetic bandwidth
  
• Disappointing or upsetting your teen could feel like you aren't doing enough as a mom. 
  
• You don’t want to do it, BUT the relationship is important to you and worth investing time and sacrificing comfort.
  
• You haven’t given yourself permission to put your wants and desires above someone else's expectations. 
  
• You want to eat popcorn not because you need rest but because what is being asked of you is outside your comfort zone, and you are avoiding that. 

The first question to ask yourself is, what are you avoiding feeling?  When we have more awareness about what’s going on instead of just labeling the feeling as bad or guilty, we have more access to work with our thoughts and make a more aligned decision. 

Here’s another big question to ask when it comes to the decision. 

Are you choosing discomfort or resentment? 

Are you choosing the discomfort of what you’ve been avoiding?

Disappointing someone, saying no, taking care of yourself, holding a boundary, being vulnerable, honoring your desires, stepping outside your comfort zone.

Or are you choosing resentment with others and yourself later because you didn’t? 

These are big questions to consider. And very brave. You can’t be everything to everybody. But today, you can be there for yourself.

Remember, it’s a process. We’re all learning.  

You’re doing great. 

Interested in being championed and supported?  I have a few spots available for life coaching, entrepreneurship, or IP Trainer mentoring.  Click here to book a call.